So I’m exercising my ability to be a total couch potato tonight channel surfing (and what was I watching? Flipping between the Food Network Challenge, Mythbusters –Diet Coke and Mentos episode yay! — and HGTV Design on a Dime — midcentury modern redo!) when I come across the end of Chasing Liberty on the ABC Family channel.

And I think — gee, that Mandy Moore is kinda classy, this being a salute to Roman Holiday and why don’t more people pay attention to her instead of Brit-Brit’s vajayjay flashing? (– oohhh Who’s Line Is It Anyway is on now — love those funny guys).

And I realize that Jeremy Piven is in this Mandy Moore movie as a Secret Service Agent. Now, I have to admit to a crushing on the Jeremy about as much as I crush on the John Cusack oh ever since Better Off Dead. And then I’m sad. Because first Cusack, king of the dark sarcasm biting wit, makes a movie with Catherine Zeta-Jones (and another about dogs!) and then Piven makes a movie with pop-tarty Moore.

But didn’t I just say she was kind classy? I’m so glad she’s over the geeky Braf guy. He was kinda cute until he turned into a jerk… oohhh Rescue Me is on, what was I saying?

Oh yeah, my dark comedy kings, my cerebral hotties, the Cupid to my Psyche, the Bryce/Roy/Martin to my Debi, why oh why oh why? Did you need the money that badly? (Yes, I use adverbs correctly even in the stream of my consciousness.)

Do you see what happens when the SciFi Channel cancels Dresden Files, makes me wait interminably for Battlestar and subjects me to the likes of Flash Gordon and Painkiller Jane? Shame on you SciFi Channel. How dare you use a Queen song for Flash Gordon. There’s not much that might make Freddy roll over in his grave, but this just might. And really, I refuse to watch movies like the Giant Anaconda from Mars or Space Dragons from Planet X. Pu-leeze.

Please do not touch Eureka. I beg you.